Dreams, Shortlist Part One
I decided to take the 100 dreams list I constructed the other day and select a shortlist from it. Below are the ones I feel are the most realistic and the most doable currently.
23. To become healthier mentally.
38. To weight train at least 5 times a week regularly.
71. To try to be more assertive and introduce myself to people who I want to introduce myself to.
The first one, #10 "To write everyday" right now may be the easiest, simply because it is always accessible to me, and I can start it anytime I want to. Also I am always writing something anyways whether it be a blog entry, an email, a text message, a wall posting on Facebook, a status on Facebook or MSN, or.....you get the drift. My life seems to have a constant textual mobility character to it, always contextualized in some written way online. I am yet to actually do this, but I want to record the amount of time I spend writing online . Not including web surfing, searching, watching videos, but just writing stuff. Anything. And then, analyze the content I create for discourse and meaning critically. That would be a very interesting autoethnographical study.
However, that doesn't pay the bills at the moment. Nothing is right now, and I have to get moving in a real form of employment at the moment. (Though, many would argue that creating web content can be a form of employment, and in a very lucrative way - which elludes me for the most part; how does one make a career of blogging, posting, writing, podcasting, etc.? Someone must know? There is a web-class on social utility communication coming up in a couple of weeks on guyguidetoronto.com which perhaps will answer these questions)
Back to the other items on the shortlist.
Regarding #19 "To overcome obesity". OY!!!!!!! This has been my struggle for as long as I can remember. And now it is becoming even more apparent that something has to turn for my benefit because my health is about ready to cave in if I don't lose weight very soon. The signs are here now. I'm not as young as I used to be, so time is of the essence. Obesity is a very lonely struggle too. Many of us in society share this struggle, but share it only quantitatively, as numbers in regional statistical studies measuring obesity rates in a population: very few of us actually share our struggles and experiences in the fight against obesity. We suffer alone, only speaking with medical practitioners who claim expertise on the issue. That at times makes it even worse.
For about a year and a half I was in the treatment of a doctor for obesity. He wasn't a dietician, or a general practitioner, but was some sort of specialist who engaged in research with participants who consistently failed at losing weight. He wasn't in the business of helping people lose weight so much, or at least it seemed to me, but he studies people who fail in their struggle. I was studied (in my treatment) being given anti-depressants, ADHD medication, monitored with monthly visits to check on my progress. I don't feel the doctor was exploiting me as a research subject, nor do I think he lacked interest in helping me succeed eventually in my problem. But the entire time I felt very disconnected from myself, mentally and physically. I realize this now. I didn`t see the results I wished for, so I left his care and I am now detoxing from the medicalization I experienced.
So now I am doing it on my own. I learned in the time during that process, that I can only help myself with my struggle to become healthy and fit. I am back at the gym. I have taken on the services of a nutritionist to help me build my physical self from the mircolevel upwards, and to help me construct a dietary plan. Which leads me to...
#38 To weight train at least 5 times a week regularly. This should also be simple, theoretically. But I am one of those many individuals who suffer from Draggy-Ass Syndrome. I always feel that I have to drag my ass to the gym, like it is some huge burden that involves conjuring up huge amounts of physical and mental energy to cope with being physical in a public space for, what, 45 minutes at a time? But when I am there, I like it. I find a mental zone very quickly. That makes sense because physically, as animals, we just do that anyways; we respond positively to physical activity. It's bizarre and somewhat unsettling how the human mind can do this, make you feel like something is just akin to going off to war, yet when you are in the middle of it, it feels like anything but war, and you feel awesome doing it.
Many people, hardcore gym and workout enthusiasts, are always in this mental zone for some reason. Even on their off days, they are primed and ready to pump iron. How do they do that? Is it nutrition? Good sleep? An abundance of good sex? What makes people live for the gym!!!!!! I suppose the answer lies in practice. Like anything else. Practice creates a sort of reality. So does action.
I have not always been a very active person. In many aspects of my life, physically, professionaly, emotionally, etc. I have worked hard in very few things in life thinking back. But you know what I have also realized recently? Basically everything I actually worked extremely hard at with vigour and drive, I not only succeeded at, but I excelled at. Yet, I rarely ever think of it in that way. In fact, being the pessimist I am, I tend to focus on what I have not succeeded in and what I haven't achieved. But I do have accomplishments, and they are significant. There is no reason that cannot be perpetuated again and again.
Which leads me to......................
Oh yay! I have a cliffhanger! To be continued next time. It`s like Doctor Who!
(Audio on- Doctor Who closing theme music: Stinnnnngggggggggshreeeeeeeeak - du dudu du dudu du dudu du du dudu du dudu du dudu...)
10. To write everyday.
19. To overcome obesity.
22. To return to graduate school and finish that masters degree.23. To become healthier mentally.
38. To weight train at least 5 times a week regularly.
71. To try to be more assertive and introduce myself to people who I want to introduce myself to.
The first one, #10 "To write everyday" right now may be the easiest, simply because it is always accessible to me, and I can start it anytime I want to. Also I am always writing something anyways whether it be a blog entry, an email, a text message, a wall posting on Facebook, a status on Facebook or MSN, or.....you get the drift. My life seems to have a constant textual mobility character to it, always contextualized in some written way online. I am yet to actually do this, but I want to record the amount of time I spend writing online . Not including web surfing, searching, watching videos, but just writing stuff. Anything. And then, analyze the content I create for discourse and meaning critically. That would be a very interesting autoethnographical study.
However, that doesn't pay the bills at the moment. Nothing is right now, and I have to get moving in a real form of employment at the moment. (Though, many would argue that creating web content can be a form of employment, and in a very lucrative way - which elludes me for the most part; how does one make a career of blogging, posting, writing, podcasting, etc.? Someone must know? There is a web-class on social utility communication coming up in a couple of weeks on guyguidetoronto.com which perhaps will answer these questions)
Back to the other items on the shortlist.
Regarding #19 "To overcome obesity". OY!!!!!!! This has been my struggle for as long as I can remember. And now it is becoming even more apparent that something has to turn for my benefit because my health is about ready to cave in if I don't lose weight very soon. The signs are here now. I'm not as young as I used to be, so time is of the essence. Obesity is a very lonely struggle too. Many of us in society share this struggle, but share it only quantitatively, as numbers in regional statistical studies measuring obesity rates in a population: very few of us actually share our struggles and experiences in the fight against obesity. We suffer alone, only speaking with medical practitioners who claim expertise on the issue. That at times makes it even worse.
For about a year and a half I was in the treatment of a doctor for obesity. He wasn't a dietician, or a general practitioner, but was some sort of specialist who engaged in research with participants who consistently failed at losing weight. He wasn't in the business of helping people lose weight so much, or at least it seemed to me, but he studies people who fail in their struggle. I was studied (in my treatment) being given anti-depressants, ADHD medication, monitored with monthly visits to check on my progress. I don't feel the doctor was exploiting me as a research subject, nor do I think he lacked interest in helping me succeed eventually in my problem. But the entire time I felt very disconnected from myself, mentally and physically. I realize this now. I didn`t see the results I wished for, so I left his care and I am now detoxing from the medicalization I experienced.
So now I am doing it on my own. I learned in the time during that process, that I can only help myself with my struggle to become healthy and fit. I am back at the gym. I have taken on the services of a nutritionist to help me build my physical self from the mircolevel upwards, and to help me construct a dietary plan. Which leads me to...
#38 To weight train at least 5 times a week regularly. This should also be simple, theoretically. But I am one of those many individuals who suffer from Draggy-Ass Syndrome. I always feel that I have to drag my ass to the gym, like it is some huge burden that involves conjuring up huge amounts of physical and mental energy to cope with being physical in a public space for, what, 45 minutes at a time? But when I am there, I like it. I find a mental zone very quickly. That makes sense because physically, as animals, we just do that anyways; we respond positively to physical activity. It's bizarre and somewhat unsettling how the human mind can do this, make you feel like something is just akin to going off to war, yet when you are in the middle of it, it feels like anything but war, and you feel awesome doing it.
Many people, hardcore gym and workout enthusiasts, are always in this mental zone for some reason. Even on their off days, they are primed and ready to pump iron. How do they do that? Is it nutrition? Good sleep? An abundance of good sex? What makes people live for the gym!!!!!! I suppose the answer lies in practice. Like anything else. Practice creates a sort of reality. So does action.
I have not always been a very active person. In many aspects of my life, physically, professionaly, emotionally, etc. I have worked hard in very few things in life thinking back. But you know what I have also realized recently? Basically everything I actually worked extremely hard at with vigour and drive, I not only succeeded at, but I excelled at. Yet, I rarely ever think of it in that way. In fact, being the pessimist I am, I tend to focus on what I have not succeeded in and what I haven't achieved. But I do have accomplishments, and they are significant. There is no reason that cannot be perpetuated again and again.
Which leads me to......................
Oh yay! I have a cliffhanger! To be continued next time. It`s like Doctor Who!
(Audio on- Doctor Who closing theme music: Stinnnnngggggggggshreeeeeeeeak - du dudu du dudu du dudu du du dudu du dudu du dudu...)
posted by energetika at 11:30 AM
1 Comments:
Pretty bang on about the 'private struggle' with weight. I've been attending WW for about 2.5 years and although the progress has been interminably slow at times, it's been helpful knowing that others are also facing the same frustrations with slow progress, self-discipline and self-doubt that I am. It also allows me to share successes - I've found sometimes people who have not 'been there' may be closed to discussing a struggle they have little to no experience with - or they offer platitudes, which is irritating to no end.
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